This past summer I attended a Jonas Brothers concert and, no, I didn't lose a bet. We got free tickets so my girlfriend and I took her daughter and my nieces. Had Dante attended, this night would have been included as the tenth cirle of hell.
I wasn't in the same room when the girls were told the news but apparently three pairs of little girls' legs can sound like a herd of stampeding buffalo. We all braced ourselves as the house shook from stomping feet and high pitched screams. Oh the screaming. It had begun.
The few nights before the show produced some sort of pre-teen high as none of the girls slept. Normally the thought of sleep deprived tweens would make any parent shudder but the excitement of their first concert carried them through remarkably well.
There was much preparation: New outfits to coordinate, clothes to buy, CD's to purchase, posters to be made. All the while recapping the play by play of every waking moment in her best auctioneer's voice. If there were a way to harness this excitement I could solve the energy crisis and retire.
The day of days finally arrived. After work we sat down to dinner of pizza and juice. In hindsight, a missed opportunity to get them to eat healthier fare without complaint. Alas, pizza and adrenaline would have to carry them through.
Despite the excitement and anticipation getting the three girls out the door and into the car was more like herding cats. We headed down to Riverbend and, to everyone's surprise, there was traffic. Didn't these people know where we were headed? How did they have the gall to take the same route to the venue as us?
Parking was no less a disappointment. It turns out we couldn't park next to gate. Instead they had to (you'd better sit down for this one) WALK all the way to the show. No matter how many times we explained the parking situation someone had to ask if we could pull in every police-blocked entrance we passed.
Finally, after what felt like hours and hours of travel (more like 30 minutes) we arrived at the gate. From the front gate at Riverbend you cannot see the stage or seating area. The look of confusion and mild panic sets in. "Where's the concert?" "On stage." "What stage!"
Armed with a cooler of water and a blanket we climbed the stairs to the back of the lawn seating. Finally reaching the peak, further disappointment sets in. After so much tension and anticipation we entered the concert arena to find a packed house of parents, teens and preteens all struggling to see or simply survive the night.
It was at this moment the girls realized they weren't going to be serenaded by the Jonas Brothers and I realized what a train wreck we were walking into. I had never seen Riverbend so packed and crowded.
I'll give you a minute to imagine 1000's of screaming of pre-teen girls. The ear-piercing pitch. The constant screams. The mindless chatter. The desperation that sits in as the reality sets in that this is your life for the next 2-3 hours. As bad as all that was it was it was not the complete horror. If the thought of being trapped with thousands of screaming tweener girls isn't enough allow me to paint the rest of the picture:
This wonderful event happened to coincide with one of the hottest days of the year. Despite Riverbend actually being on a river bank there was no cooling breeze. Riverbend being an outdoor theater, there was no escaping the heat as it slowly strangled you.
For those of you playing along at home you may know where this is going: The stagnant heat coupled with thousands of tweens kids, most of whom hadn't discovered deodorant yet, made for a delightful slice of hell. A cool breeze would occasionally drift through. At first it was so refreshing and relaxing. But then The Stench would follow. Terrible. Did I mention the screaming? The constant, piercing screaming?
In the end the girls' loved their first concert. My eldest niece, normally too cool to display emotion, actually smiled and danced. (Don't tell anyone but I think she may have even laughed a little). The other two girls had no problems busting a move, singing, laughing and thoroughly enjoying themselves. Of course, if they looked like they were all having too much fun, Erin and I took it upon ourselves to join in with the dancing achieving Total Embarrassment.
As horrible as this night sounds there were good points: Family bonding. Participating in a milestone event in the lives of three wonderful girls. And of course: no line at the bar or in the men's bathroom.
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